I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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