Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
