Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
