My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
