I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I want a musical about memes.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
im on a boat
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