Your dad touched me again.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
