that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
