conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
