What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
