She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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