How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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