I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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