And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
