You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize