oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
