I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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