He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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