after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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