I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
