i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
