oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
