She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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