We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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