I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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