If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
