Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
