the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize