We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
