Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
