Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
