He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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