I wish I could punch you in the face.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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