There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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