I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
