The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
