No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize