I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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