I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
