A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
