Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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