I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
