We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
