FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
