you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
