grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
