I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize