Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
