i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
