Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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