Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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