so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
