i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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