im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
