had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
