1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize