so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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