my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
