On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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