She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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