My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
