6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
