He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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