I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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