wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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