uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
