FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
