remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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