im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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