remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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