I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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