I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
