I wish they made helmets for livers.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize