I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
