Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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