Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
