what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
