she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
